So the other night I was sitting on the sofa watching telly when I heard the OH mutter the words, ‘it’s so and so’s stag do next month’.
They were said with trepidation due to the fact that he’d already anticipated what my reaction would be. After eleven years together he knows me well because react is exactly what I did.
‘But you don’t even drink’…..
‘You will be hanging out in strip clubs’……..
‘I dread to imagine what everyone will be getting up to’………..
All this was just covering up my real fear which is that somehow when drunk he will end up having sex with someone else. I even blurted it out in the heat of the moment.
‘WHAT IF YOU END UP HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE?’
By this point I had worked myself up into a total state and knew it wasn’t going to get us anywhere so I went and had a bath. I was so fuming that despite it being a hot day and lying in a hot bath, it still actually managed to cool me down.
Then what happened next was a real breakthrough for me.
I have written before about how my previous relationship was full of lies and infidelity – Without You, I Have Nothing – it had a BIG effect on me and left me with a lot of trust issues.
I know my OH found this hard as he felt like he was being accused of something that he would never do but I found it hard to not believe that the same thing would happen because it was all I knew to expect from relationships.
Slowly I did start learning to trust him but there was still always a big part of me that hated him going out drinking. We now have two young children and I don’t really drink at all, well neither of us do apart from occasionally when he will have a few drinks.
I am fairly sure that there will be lots of drinking taking place on this stag do but do you know what?
I think I am finally ready to accept this without worrying that he might cheat on me.
At the end of the day he is his own person and just because we are in a relationship it doesn’t mean I can dictate to him what he can and can’t do. I want him to be happy and that means letting him do things he wants to do (within reason obviously!).
He is a good guy, an amazing dad and has never given me any reason drunk or sober to believe that he will cheat on me so I think it really is time for me to get over this last issue I have and give him the freedom to enjoy nights out without giving him a hard time about it.
When I came downstairs he had his argument all ready for why he should be able to go and he didn’t know what to do when I said that he could. I explained why I reacted the way I did but I don’t think anyone can really understand until they have experienced what it feels like to find out the person you love has had sex with someone else.
I can’t punish him for things that someone else did though.
Plus if I want him to marry me then I guess I need to let him have some freedom before hand