Is There Ever A Good Excuse?
I am 100% against cheating. The way I see it is if you want to have sex with someone other than your partner then you shouldn’t be in a relationship. Simple. Or is it?
I have been cheated on before, my ex had drunken one night stands, sober one night stands and I am pretty sure that during our relationship there were other females out there who also believed that he was their boyfriend. When I ended our relationship I told myself that if anyone ever cheated on me then it would be over and I still stick by that but luckily I have never had to put it to the test.
I have been with my current partner for nearly ten years and I would say it took me about half of that time to be able to trust him. That wasn’t his fault, he was horrified the first time he went out alone and I asked him not to cheat on me, but because of my previous experiences I just assumed that ALL men cheat.
Back then when we were young and going out drinking all the time I worried constantly about him sleeping with someone else because even though you trust a person, how can you ever trust alcohol?
My OH never gave me any reason to worry, in fact he was a terrible drinker and used to fall asleep after a few drinks but I knew that all it would have taken was one little mistake for everything to be ruined. Imagining the person you love having sex with someone else is like a form of torture. You can’t help but run through every little detail of it until it feels like your brain is going to explode, in the day you can try and distract yourself but at night you lie awake with nothing else to do but think about it.
It’s not something that I need to think about anymore because he decided a few years ago that drinking isn’t worth it (he would rather go out on his motocross bike then spend a load of money to fall asleep and feel like crap for 2 days), but to be honest, if he was still going out getting absolutely hammered then I would still worry that something would accidentally happen.
Maybe I am just being paranoid or showing the lasting effect of having only experienced a bad relationship but either way it is how I feel.
I guess if cheating comes in levels of severity then cheating whilst drunk would be the least severe, but only if that person was really sorry and wanted the relationship to work badly enough to give up drinking, otherwise it could just happen again.
The only other time I think cheating is ever salvageable is if the relationship had been falling apart on both sides, communication had broken down and both parties were questioning whether or not they wanted to be together. Then sleeping with someone else could either make them realise that they wanted their relationship to work or give them the guts to end it. Of course it shouldn’t have to come to that but I think for some people it does.
The one thing that I personally could not only never forgive but find it hard to understand is affairs. The ongoing lying and deception to the person you are supposed to love is disgraceful. I know people make mistakes but it’s about how you deal with those mistakes and repeating them over and over again is unforgivable in my opinion.
What do you think?
Can a relationship survive if someone cheats?
Read MoreThe Other Side Of The Story
In my relationship, I sometimes find it hard / impossible to see things from my OH’s perspective. It’s not because I don’t try, in fact I usually try to hard and end up coming to the wrong conclusion. The reason being that my OH is a typical man, and I am not a mind-reader.
Leave
I’ve just asked my OH to move out for a little while. It was a risky thing to do and I have no idea what the outcome will be but I really feel like it needs to happen in order for us to either move forward or call time on our relationship.
The problem is not with me, I love him completely and want our relationship to work but I just don’t feel like he does. I am not even sure he loves me, not in the way that I want him to anyway.
The Realisation
In my previous post - Without You, I Have Nothing - I wrote about my first relationship and how a few years into it, I reached the lowest point of my life.
Then came the Realisation.
I can still clearly remember the moment in which I decided to end the relationship. We were lying on the sofa, he was drunk and saying really awful things and all of a sudden it was like a switch flicked in my head. I decided that the next morning I was going to break up with him and that’s what I did.
Hormone Goggles
I read an article today in The Telegraph about some research that has been carried out into what effect the contraceptive pill has on a woman when it comes to choosing a partner. Apparently the hormones affect our judgement and we end up picking someone who we think would be reliable and willing to commit to us as oppose to someone who we are sexually attracted to.
Their findings revealed that women were more likely to end their relationship if they were using the pill when they chose their partner. The scientists went as far to say, ”Our results indicate that a woman’s use of OC [oral contraceptive] at the time when she meets her partner has measurable downstream consequences for partnership outcome.”
Without You, I Have Nothing
I was 14 when I entered into my first relationship and 19 when I came out of it.
I wasn’t interested in the guy in question to start with, funnily enough it was his friend (who I have actually been with for the last ten years) who I liked, but I think this only made him more determined. I look back now and wonder whether he saw a weakness in me, he always said he could read me like a book. I guess he read that I’d had a pretty messed-up childhood, was lost in life and was about to go off the rails therefore making me the perfect person to win over and make himself feel better about his own insecurities.
The Modern Day Argument
I have written before about how an important conversation with the OH needs to be carried out like a game of chess (The Game), it requires me to stay calm and plan ahead. If I start to raise my voice and speak in what he describes as a ‘patronising tone’ then he blocks out what I am saying therefore making me more annoyed and turning it into more of an argument. But approaching it like a game of chess takes quite a lot of effort and sometimes I can’t be bothered.
How To Trick Your Partner Into Thinking You’re Amazing
I recently wrote about how I am going to start doing more little things for my OH to show how much I love him.
We are two weeks in now and what I have actually done is found a way to make him think I am doing more little things for him when in actual fact, I’m not.
It started one morning when we had run out of bread and milk meaning that he couldn’t have any breakfast, he had been up since 6am with our little girl so when I got up I offered to go to the shop for him. He thought that I was making the extra effort just to be nice but what I didn’t tell him was that I needed to pick something up from the post office.
Love, Marriage, Weddings And Who Should Propose?!
In August 2011 I wrote this post – The Big Question . It was all about love, marriage and weddings – or more specifically how I want to have a wedding.
We are now in February 2012 and I am still waiting for my OH to propose.
We have been together for nearly ten years and I really do feel like the time is right so I have been dropping subtle hints. Just little things such as asking him which wedding venue he would prefer 
